Book Reviews and More: The Last-Place Sports Poems of Jeremy Bloom - Gordon Korman and Bernice Korman

The Last-Place Sports Poems of Jeremy Bloom:

A Collection Of Poems About Winning, Losing, and Being a Good Sport (Sometimes)

Jeremy Bloom Book 2

Gordon Korman

Bernice Korman

Scholastic Canada

ISBN 9780590255165

ISBN 0590255169

The Last-Place Sports Poems of Jeremy Bloom - Gordon Korman - Jeremy Bloom Book 2

This book was originally published in 1996, and an audio edition released in 1999, it is one of two co-written with Gordon and his mother. It is one of two books of poetry co-written by the mother and son duo. According to Goodreads there are 5 editions of the volume including 2 on cassette, and only 2 works in this series. The ending of the first book hints at a Jeremy Bloom novel in the next grade, but it appears that never happened. We got this second collection of poems. But I am getting ahead of myself. My introduction to Korman’s works was the 39 Clues back in 2009. Since then I have read over 75 of his books including this volume, a few of them more than once. I set the goal of reading all his books about 2020. I am over half way thorough his complete works, and have completed all the stand alone books and am now just working my way through the remaining series. Not counting omnibus editions I believe that as of the summer of 2025 Korman has published 109 books. With each that I read I am entertained and often challenged. My son, who is 17 often, reads these books to me or with me, and he still loves them.

The description of this volume states:

“Sports. That's Jeremy Bloom's topic. He's not psyched about spending another year writing poetry, but maybe it won't be as bad as he thinks. He and his friends Chad and Michael join every team the school has - football, soccer, hockey, basketball, and baseball! At first, the guys are unstoppable, undefeated! But when Mrs. Stegowitz decides to become a fan, suddenly the guys are headed for a never-ending losing streak. Jeremy's glory poems ache with the agony of defeat. But surprisingly... he keeps writing. Could poetry be actually as cool as sports?”

Another states:

“Enduring a second year with the poetry teacher who gave him a D minus, reluctant Jeremy Bloom hopes to earn a better grade by writing sports poetry and finds the task more enjoyable than he anticipated.”

The back of the edition I read states:

“The poems in this book are a second chance.

The second chance is offered to Jeremy Bloom by his poetry teacher, Mrs. Stegowitz, a.k.a. Mrs. Stegosaurus. “If you can pull up }jour grade this year,” she promises, “we can also raise last year’s D minus.”

Sports. That’s Jeremy’s topic. He’s not psyched about spending another year writing poetry, but maybe it won’t be as bad as he thinks. He and ins friends Chad and Michael join every team the school has—football, soccer, hockey, basketball, and baseball! At first, the guys are unstoppable, undefeated! But when Mrs. Stegosaurus decides to become a fan, suddenly the guys are headed for a never-ending losing streak. Jeremy’s glory poems ache with the agony of defeat. But surprisingly... he keeps writing.

Could poetry actually be as cool as sports?”

About the author’s at the back of this volume we are informed:

“Bernice Korman and Gordon Korman make up one of the few mother-and-son poetry-writing teams in the world today. Their first collection, The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom, was so popular that they decided to write a sequel. Gordon wrote his first book, This Can’t Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!, for a seventh-grade English project. Bernice entered the business when Gordon conned her into typing it for him.

Bernice lives in Thornhill, Ontario, with her husband. Gordon lives with his wife in Florida and New York. He has written more than twenty books for middle-grade and young-adult readers, including seven books in the well-known Bruno and Boots series. His latest book is The Chicken Doesn’t Skate, also published by Scholastic.”

We are also informed this was Korman’s 18th published book. The sections and chapters in this volume are:

INTRODUCTION

I. FOOTBALL SEASON

(September 5 to October 31)

Our Number One Fan

The Placekicker

Injuries

The Super Bowl

The Spectator

Excuses

II. SOCCER SEASON

(November 1 to December 22)

No Heads

The Athlete’s Prayer

Transformation

Chess

Injury Report Haiku

Gone Commercial

III. HOCKEY SEASON

(January 3 to March 10)

The Winger Ringer

My Trademark Move

Zamboni

Celebration

Monopoly

The Wanderer

IV. BASKETBALL SEASON

(March 12 to April 25)

S-T-R-E-T-C-H

Ode to the Nerf Basketball Hoop Over My Desk

Local Hero

Mercury

Lunchroom Athletics

Victory

The Sportscaster’s Lament

V. BASEBALL SEASON

(April 26 to June 16)

The Dream Season

Support Your Local Pitcher

21st-Century Baseball

A View from the Mound

Time to Quit

A Superior Game

The Easiest Thing

VI. LAST-RESORT SPORTS

(June 26 to August 19)

Pool of Dreams

Orienteering

Figure Skating

The Hunters

Fishing

Sumo Wrestling

The Gymnastics Team

Camping at Glacier Range

EPILOGUE

The book begins with:

“The poems in this book are a second chance.

The second chance was offered to Jeremy Bloom by Mrs. Stegowitz, aka Mrs. Stegosaurus.

“Jeremy, I know you’re still upset about all those D minuses I gave you last year,” she said on registration day at school.

“Oh, that’s okay, Mrs. Stegosau — Mrs. Stegowitz,” said Jeremy cheerfully. “The D minuses were kind of like my trademark. I was a D-minus poet.”

“Well,” the teacher admitted, “I might have been a little too hard on you. That’s why I’d like you to sign up for my poetry-writing workshop now, in seventh grade.””

A few of my favourite poems are:

INJURIES

Our quarterback just broke his leg.
The instant he went down,
He automatically became The hero of our town.
Well, since I’m on the Ping-Pong team,
I really must complain,
’Cause no one ever gave a hoot
About my pinkie sprain.

TRANSFORMATION
My soccer coach was really mad,
Which made the players very sad,
Oh, what a rotten game we had!
We’re bad.

Our uniforms are shocking pink,
Our captain is a little dink,
No wonder all the players think
We stink.

We went into an eight-game slide,
And our despair was bona fide,
We practiced extra on the side —
We tried.

We found the dink could really run!
We started having lots of fun;
One Sunday when the game was done —
We won!

From now on, every soccer mate
Has confidence in how we rate,
And we have cause to celebrate —
We’re great!

CHESS
Who says that chess is not a sport?
Athletics for the brain!
And if you think it isn’t hard,
Allow me to explain.

Now, any jerk can throw a ball;
Baboons can learn to skate;
But playing chess is something else —
You have to concentrate.

The strategies are quite complex,
And that’s my favorite part.
You really can’t be good at chess
Unless you’re very smart.

And bold and strong, aggressive too;
You cannot hesitate
In this, the military game
Of capture, check, and mate.

I know I’m not a master yet,
I’m sure I will improve
As soon as I can work out how
Those funny pieces move.

THE DREAM SEASON

Our baseball team was 0 and 12,
We never scored a run,
The coach was mean and crabby, and
We didn’t have much fun.

It rained for every game we played,
And warped most of our bats,
But we were envy of the league —
We had the coolest hats.

ORIENTEERING

If you can read a compass well

And map out all the ground,

Then you are sure of knowing how

To find your way around.

And so I signed up gladly

For the course with Mr. Black,

Who’d take us out and lose us,

And we’d make our own way back.

We listened to the lessons,

And we practiced with good cheer,

And now we’re in the wilderness.

Oh, where the heck is here?

I’m sure the path is one big loop!

I’ve passed that rock before!

Please come and get me, Mr. Black,

I can’t stand any more!

If I get out of this big mess,

I never more will roam.

The compass says which way is north,

But not which way is home.

This was another really fun read, both the poems and the stories about that period of Jeremy Boom’s output! I could see this being really popular in the classroom. Some poems are just a few lines, some a few pages. Most the text flows normally but a couple is spreads across a two page spread, and two that has text that flows in various line on angles across and back on the page.

This is a really great read, and it is a pity it is out of print. If you can track it down, it's well worth the read!

Books by Gordon Korman:

MacDonald Hall Series:

This Can't Be Happening at Macdonald Hall (1978)

Go Jump in the Pool (1979)

Beware the Fish! (1980)

The Wizzle War (1982)

(formerly The War With Mr. Wizzle)

The Zucchini Warriors (1988)

Light’s Camera, Disaster (1991)

(aka Macdonald Hall Goes Hollywood)

The Jokes on Us (1995)