Book Reviews and More: The D-poems of Jeremy Bloom - Gordon Korman and Bernice Korman

The D-poems of Jeremy Bloom:

Collection of Poems About School, Homework, and Life (Sort Of)

Jeremy Bloom Book 1

Gordon Korman

Bernice Korman

Scholastic Canada

ISBN 9780590448192

ISBN 0590448196

The D-poems of Jeremy Bloom - Gordon Korman - Jeremy Bloom Book 1

This book was originally published in 1992, it is one of two co-written with Gordon and his mother. According to Goodreads there are 3 editions of the first volume in this series and only 2 works in this series. The ending of this book hinds at a Jeremy Bloom novel in the next grade, but it appears that never happened. But I am getting ahead of myself. My introduction to Korman’s works was the 39 Clues back in 2009. Since then I have read 66 of his books including this volume, a few of them more than once. I set the goal of reading all his books about 2020. I am over half way thorough his canon, and have completed all the stand alone books and am now just working my way through the remaining series. Not counting omnibus editions I believe that as of the summer of 2025 Korman has published 109 books. With each that I read I am entertained and often challenged, and I am always entertained. My son, who is 17 often, reads these books to me or with me, and he still loves them.

The description of this volume states:

“WARNING: These poems contain the truth about school … and more!

Have you ever been assigned poetry writing as a class project? It’s what happened to Jeremy Bloom! The result is this collection of poetry.

Have you ever had trouble keeping your room clean? Thought your allowance was much too small? Suspected that all those things that are suppose to be good for you just are not? Needed the prefect excuse for coming to school without your homework?

You’ll find poems about it in this book. Poems for all seasons! Poems for all reasone!

Welcome to the poetic world of Jeremy Bloom.”

About the author’s at the back of this volume we are informed:

“Bernice Korman and Gordon Korman make up one of the only mother-and-son poetry-writing teams in the world today. Gordon's first book, This Can't Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!, was written for a seventh-grade English project. Bernice entered the business when Gordon conned her into typing it for him. Bernice lives in Thornhill, Ontario, with her husband, and sometimes with Gordon, when he's not at his New York apartment.”

We are also informed this was Korman’s 18th published book. The sections and chapters in this volume are:

INTRODUCTION

I. THE PTERODACTYL PERIOD

(September 4 to October 30)

I Can't Clean My Room

Vital Question

The Word

Wide Awake

Appeal for a Raise in Allowance

Name-Calling

Billy Rae the Dentist

Why I Was Late

II. THE STINKO-SMOKESCREEN WHIZBANGER PERIOD

(October 31 to December 21)

Honesty Is Not Always the Best Policy

Profession

Negotiating Bedtime

Taking a Fall

Answering Machine Message 28

Equipment Failure 29

For Your Own Good 30

Definition 31

The Olympian 32

III. THE WRONG BOX PERIOD

(January 2 to March 8)

The Beautiful Day

Certainly I Did My Homework

Seasons

Nutrition Report

Chores

Gridiron

Report Card Blues

The Wheeler-Dealer

IV. THE FENDER-BENDER PERIOD

(March 1 1 to April 25)

I'm Feeling Very Ill Today

Poetry Is Images

Vocabulary

The Guest List

Andrew and Andy

Mean Cuisine

A Perfect Afternoon

Be Prepared

It's Only a Tree

V. THE TARZAN PERIOD

(April 26 to June 14)

The Neutron Pants Rap

The Ballad of Arabella Hopp

How to Wake a Guy for School

On the Brink

My Chauffeur

Ambition

I Didn't

Science

I Pulled an "A"

No Boring Parts Allowed

EPILOGUE

GRADING SCALE

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

The grading scale at the back of the book states:

A+ Excellent

A Very Good

B Good

C Satisfactory

D Poor

D- Jeremy Bloom

The book begins with:

“The poetry in this book happened by mistake. The mistake was made by Jeremy Bloom, who is an expert mistake-maker.

It began with Jeremy's infamous alarm clock. Since the day he took it apart to try to make the world's first time-operated slingshot stink-bomb, it hadn't been working too well. It went off at three a.m., and then again at four. But at seven-thirty wake-up, it was sleeping almost as deeply as Jeremy.”

Jeremy was late for school and got last pick of classes He wanted Music Appreciation which was supposed to be a bird course. But ended up with Poetry and even that was a mistake. For we are informed:

“"Pottery!" he croaked, signing up in a split-second decision. It was no Snooze Patrol, but how hard could it be to make ashtrays?

It was only when he showed up in Ms. Terranova' s room that the truth hit. He had read the sheet wrong. This was not Pottery; it was Poetry. Furthermore, they didn't read it, they wrote it.

And no amount of begging and pleading to Ms. Terranova, the Principal, his parents, and God, could get him out of it.

As Ms. Terranova put it, "Anybody who could see Poetry and read Pottery needs all the English courses he can get."”

A few of my favourite poems are:

“I CAN'T CLEAN MY ROOM

I can't clean my room.
This may look completely chaotic to you,
Like a junk heap a hurricane just blasted through,
But it's neat in a way that is quite scientific,
It's orderly, sensible, truly terrific.
For instance, my homework goes under the hood
Of the race car I built that turned out not so good.
Clean socks are arranged in the box marked "keep out";
The dirty ones hang on the tip of the snout
Of my stuffed kangaroo, and its pouch is the place
For my glasses. (I'm growing some mold in the case.
It's a project for school, and I'm sure you'll agree
That we mustn't disturb it, or I'll get a D.)

I know that you're mad that I don't make my bed,
But it only gets mussed 'cause I work there instead
Of my desk, which I haven't seen since last November.
Oh, it's down there somewhere. I just don't remember
If it's under the town dump of shirts by the door,
Or the comic book library piled on the floor.
Do you need some more proof, or have you seen enough?
If I make one small change, then I won't find my stuff!
So I can't clean my room.”

“NAME-CALLING

On Monday she was Christie, and

On Tuesday she was Krysti, and

On Wednesday she was Cristee, and

On Thursday she was Kristye, and

On Friday she was Chrystey.

On not one single weekday

Was the spelling quite the same.

But on weekends, she was Bertha,

Because that was her real name.”

“PROFESSION

There's no sense planning to be
A dinosaur hunter.
They're extinct —
Which doesn't mean they smell bad.
It means they're dead.
(The dinosaurs, not the hunters.)
So they'd be wasting their time
(The hunters, not the dinosaurs.)
Better be an accountant.”

“NUTRITION REPORT

The minimum daily allowance

Of chocolate is now fourteen pounds,

Divided between Hershey Kisses,

Fudge, chocolate chip cookies, and Mounds.

Bazooka Joe gum is essential,

Tortilla chips make you much stronger,

Increase your intake of white sugar

So you can stay healthier longer.

For developing bones and good posture

It's obvious ice cream's the key,

Washed down with five gallons of cola,

Or 7-Up, not sugar-free.

Of course, you will need lots of fiber,

Like pretzels, and popcorn, and chips.

Make certain that nothing which grows in the ground

Is permitted to pass through your lips.

And this rule is terribly urgent:

We must be sure everyone eats a

Colossal amount of tomato, three-cheese,

Pepperoni and anchovy pizza.

SURGEON GENERAL'S NOTE:

It's probably a bad idea to do what this guy said.

It's excellent for gaining weight, and things like dropping dead.”

“ANDREW AND ANDY

Andrew is an angel,
And Andy is a devil.
Andy never tells the truth,
But Andrew's on the level.
Andrew is a gentleman.
So very well-behaved.
Andy's who you look for
When you find the cat's been shaved.
Andrew's kind and neat,
And always gets a summer job.
Andy's mean and lazy,
And a veritable slob.
I know them inside out, I do,
They're very clear to see.
Andrew's good, and Andy's not —
And both of them are ME.”

Each section of the book begins with an event where things go sideways and Jeremy’s relationship with his teacher, Ms. Pterodactyl, err I mean Ms. Terranova hits a bump in the road. And if followed by a series of poems.

This book is very different than anything else I have read by Korman. Or in this case Korman and Korman. It was a really fun volume. The epilogue begins with:

“Forty-four D minuses average out to a final grade of D minus. No bell curve. It is impossible to say just how much Jeremy learned in his year with Ms. Terranova, since his first and last efforts, and all those in between, received exactly the same grade.

It is interesting, though, that Jeremy commented at the end that Poetry class was "not as boring as I thought." In fact, he found the writing part "kind of fun," and intended to continue. Next year, Ms. Terranova was offering a seventh-grade course in novel writing. If a few poems could do all this to the infamous Ms. Pterodactyl, Jeremy was sure he could come up with a D-minus novel that would totally blow her away.”

So I was expecting the next volume to be Jeremy writing a novel over the school year. But based on the title I doubt that is the case. That epilogue ends with:

“Only, she wouldn't be Ms. Terranova anymore. On the last day of class, she told her students that she was going to be married that summer, and was planning to use her new husband's name. When she returned in September, she would be Mrs. Stegowitz.

As Jeremy left Poetry class for the very last time, he gave her his most sincere good wishes: "Have a nice summer, Mrs. Stegosaurus."

By Labor Day, the whole school knew.”

So maybe it is good he did not have her again to work on that novel.

This was a really fun read, both the poems and the stories about that period of Jeremy Boom’s output! I could see this being loved in the classroom. Some poems are just a few lines, some a few pages. Most the text flows normally but a couple is spreads across a two page spread, and one has text that flows in various line on angles across and back on the page.

This is a great read, and it is a pity it is out of print. If you can track it down well worth the read!

Books by Gordon Korman:

MacDonald Hall Series:

This Can't Be Happening at Macdonald Hall (1978)

Go Jump in the Pool (1979)

Beware the Fish! (1980)

The Wizzle War (1982)

(formerly The War With Mr. Wizzle)

The Zucchini Warriors (1988)

Light’s Camera, Disaster (1991)

(aka Macdonald Hall Goes Hollywood)

The Jokes on Us (1995)