Saturday 7 April 2018

I have greatly sinned … a reflection.

I have greatly sinned … a reflection. 

For many years I felt fundamentally broken. I felt that I was damaged inside. The damage was because of things that had happened to me, and the damage was because of mistakes I had made, some hurt myself, many hurt others. I am not sure 18-year-old Steven, or 25, or even 30 would recognize the Steven of today, who is fast approaching 50.  I was thinking about the Confiteor prayer recently.

(Abandoned St. Agnes Church in Michigan)
I confess to almighty Godand to you, my brothers and sisters,that I have greatly sinned,in my thoughts and in my words,in what I have done and in what I have failed to do,through my fault, through my fault,through my most grievous fault;therefore, I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,all the Angels and Saints,and you, my brothers and sisters,to pray for me to the Lord our God.

This is one of the prayers that can be used during the penitential rite during mass. Every time we pray it I am reminded of the sins of omission. Words left unspoken, actions left undone. The older I get the more I find when I do my examination of conscience at the end of the day, I find that my failures are often of omission. At the end of the day I try and reflect back, what way my best point today, what was my worst, and what do I wish I could have done better. As I grow there are fewer terrible moments each day, maybe because of mellowing with age, maybe maturity, and a bit of spiritual growth. 

Matthew Kelly’s tag line is ‘become the best version of yourself’. So, when I examine the day I ponder what actions, behaviors, decisions helped me towards that best version of myself and what did not. I have a lot of work still to do. But that is the struggle of becoming a saint. Until we are called home we have room to make improvements. Small improvements, incremental, day by day.

(St. Agnes Waterloo)

In many ways I have bene tempered by time. And that slow journey of discovering who I am and my purpose here. I have so many blessings in my life, my wife, my children, health and an excellent job. But there are times I still feel broken. And in those times, I turn to God through Mary. And I strive to become the best version of myself, to become a saint.

Peace and Strength!
Yours, learning to be
Steven R. McEvoy

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McEvoy's Musings

"Now we can travel with more books stored in our telephones than the ancient Egyptians kept in their vast library at Alexandria."
            Mike Aquilina

“No tea cup is big enough nor book long enough for me to be satisfied.” 
            C.S. Lewis

"When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left over I buy food and clothes!"

Other Articles Examining Who I Am:
Mad Celtic Warrior, Poet and Priest! - An Essay - 2003
The Journey of a Quester! - An Essay / Spiritual Biography 2004
New Year's 2006
Who Am I? Who Am I? -2008
Confessions of a Bibliophile #5 - How I Became a Bibliophile, From Dyslexic to Addict - 2009
New Year's Goals 2010
Steven R. McEvoy Interview - 2012
2014 My Goals

Who I Am - 2014
Feast of Saint Joseph 2018
I have greatly sinned 

1 comment:

Brit Columbia said...

Very thought provoking. Thank you for this post. I commit sins of omission, too.